Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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