Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
