I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
