i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
