Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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