Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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