one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
