if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
