Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
