From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
