absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
