she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
