I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
