i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
