is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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