well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
