Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
