kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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