started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
