There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
