I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
