i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
