I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
