It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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