Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
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