all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
