My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
