After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
