Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
