he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
