I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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