Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
