I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
