But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
