I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
