Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Pants are for mortals
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
