so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
