Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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