First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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