i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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