when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
