i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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