let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
