im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
