Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
