Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I didn't shave. On purpose
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
