I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
