we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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