so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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