Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
