Betty ford says i'm here all night
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
