Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
